You were silently walking to your classroom when you heard some students gossiping about you.
"Have you heard that _________ just paid the judges so she could win the contest?" a student asked the others. You knew that this isn't true at all. You worked hard for your poem and put your heart into it. Poetry is your only voice left here in this place but the world was too noisy to hear it. You couldn't even scream because the voices were drowning you to misery.
"I also heard that her poems aren't hers at all," another student loudly whispered for you to hear. You tried to ignore them because you know the truth. You love writing poems because it is a gateway to another world. In short, your only escape from the real world.
After taking a seat, your eyes wandered on the blank page of your notebook while your mind left this monochromatic realm and you just traveled to your own falling paradise. Your hands were unwarily writing what you were seeing in that world and what you wanted to say. It was a very addictive habit. It was the reason why you were failing your classes. You wanted a temporary escape to breathe again because the rumors were suffocating you. Your heart cracked and soon, it would shatter into tiny pieces. The monsters inside your head were waiting for an opportunity to control you and you wouldn't want that to happen. Your tears were welling up in your eyes but you were trying your best to prevent yourself from crying because you hated to be weak. You wanted to be strong but it seemed like life didn't want you to be one.
The sound of the bell ringing snapped you back to the living world and the first thing that you saw was your newly-written poem in your notebook filled with your other poems. You just need to give it a title to officially close the gates of your dying world again.
"Unmask" was written by your hand. You wanted to stop this. You kept on putting on this unaffected face because you wanted to show everyone that you were stronger than they think. You wanted these humans to accept you as who you really are. You wanted to be heard someday. You believed that someone would hear the voices of your poems sometime in the future.
You immediately went out because you were not in the right condition to hear more rumors again. You also didn't want anyone to call you names.
"Look! It's the witch!"
Great. Someone just did it. You were thankful that ignorance ordered you not to mind them so you followed its command. Unfortunately, when you were about to descend the stairs, someone intentionally tripped you. The sound of the impact called everyone's attention. The pain didn't hurt but it was the terrifying sounds of everyone's choral laughter that really hurt you.
"That's what freaks like you get."
You honestly wanted to cry but you just showed an unemotional face to let the world see that you didn't care at all. Not long after, you felt a hand pulling you to your feet but it took you a few seconds to realize what happened. Refusing to look at the person who helped you, you just gave a simple thank you before walking away.
As you reached your locker, you took the book that you needed and then you calmly brought yourself to that certain peaceful garden in your school because there were still a lot of students near the school's entrance.
"Are you alright?" A voice distracted you from your thoughts. You turned around and saw a boy of your age. His voice was so calming and it gives you security, the feeling that you once yearned for but you learned that life will never let you feel secured for long. You looked at his eyes and they were too tantalizing as if his eyes were pulling you in.
You just nodded in reply then forced yourself to look away from those eyes. The blonde boy approached you and handed you a familiar notebook. Wondering how he got your notebook, you just stared at it. The last time you checked, you were holding it while descending the stairs. Then, it hit you.
"I must have dropped it," you said with a hint of depression escaping you. Upon taking the notebook, you mentally scolded yourself for failing to hide that depression. You silently prayed that he won't notice.
"Thank you, Lukas." With that simple thank you of yours, you let yourself leave the boy because you wanted to be alone for the moment even though you needed company. You developed a fear of someone comforting you because they might just laugh at you and tell the others how weak you were.
Days gone by and you noticed that the boy was watching you from afar. You were thinking that it was just a trap to make your hopeless life more miserable than ever. You didn't need anyone.
You were actually denying the fact that you needed a friend by your side. The rumors worsened each passing day. Everything in your life worsened and everything was just dead and gloomy in your eyes.
You once came home with a bruise on your face and at the back of your head. You earned those trophies during your P.E. class because the current lesson was about volleyball and you were one of the first players to play. One of your opponents spiked the ball to your face very hard to the point that you fell on the floor with your head landing on the ground first. Nothing bad really happened though. No head injuries, no blood flowing out and no blood clots. Just two simple bruises which served as your trophies for the day.
You spend most of your time in the school's garden to write new poems. Still, you favorite masterpiece was "Unmask". That is the only poem where you had put all of your pain and sorrows. Technically, it served as your only voice in this reality.
One day, you were assigned to deliver one of your poems in front of everyone. You had decided to present that masterpiece of yours. Maybe this time, they would hear you. Maybe this time, your voiceless song would reached someone's ears telling that you needed help. Maybe this was the chance that life is giving you to be heard. A new spark of hope filled your vanishing soul. A new determination awakened inside of you. You had decided to give your all. You didn't care anymore if they would insult you or make fun of you because you were sure that they would change once they heard your voice. This would be your only chance to have a happy ending. The first and the last opportunity to fix this twisted story that was ignored by time. You were confident that you could straighten the tangled facts and bring you fallen heart back to life. It would all be better soon.
Nervous? You weren't nervous. You just calmly walked in front of everyone with a smile painted on your face.
"In my own strange language, I am singing it to you
Through my old self's new words, I will stain my own canvas
With my smiling paintbrush, I will paint it with no hue
In order to find the price to end this selfish mass
As the dusk arrives to hide the colors of the sky
My faceless self passes by the monochrome of real
The caring words they say turn my world into a lie
But I will look forward for the dawn where I can feel
The sun rises and I have awaken the anger
The siren's voice began to hum its own melody
A euphoria that I cannot hold any longer
It is a step closer for the perfection of me
I keep on receiving the crowded daylight's blessing
A guardian angel of death became the host of mind
My lazy eyes opened in the middle of raining
I watched the world being killed by our own supreme kind
I will resurrect the dead again at any cost
I must save my spirit that is left for them to grind
I have to show my numb hands the blood that I have lost
This is my last chance to remove myself from the bind"
Finally, pride gave you a kiss on the cheek. You did it. You would be heard. Everyone was occupied with silence. After a few seconds, this dreaded silence slowly turned into laughter. They were all giving you that laughter again. Your smile was torn off from your face. Disappointment, exhaustion, sadness and hopelessness suddenly filled your mind and your newly-rebuilt world was crumbling once again.
"That's not your poem! I saw that in the internet!"
But you just posted that in the internet for safekeeping.
"The airhead is too desperate to win again!"
But you just wished to be heard so you grabbed that opportunity. The volume of their laughter increased greatly. The last soul piece melted away and vanished into thin air. You unwarily let the hungry monsters take full control of you because of what happened. Why? What did you do wrong to deserve this? It all went wrong. Life tricked you once more. Were you a curse or a burden to the world to make life hate your existence?
The next thing you knew, you were inside the same garden where you always write in peace.
You wanted to stop them. You were beyond your breaking point. You were tired. You wanted to rest. Violent thoughts slowly manipulated your hand. They were too strong and it seemed like they wanted you to stab yourself with the pen you were currently holding with your writing hand. Your eyes were staring at the pointed writing tool.
You wanted to escape. You wanted to leave. You wanted to rest for eternity. You were under the spell of evil. You wanted to kill yourself. They wouldn't mind, would they? In a single blink of an eye, everything would be finished. You would finally be happy. You would soon be in peace.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around you. You were awakened by this loving embrace. It was giving you security. It felt like you were loved. You looked up and saw that boy. That boy who helped you get on your feet when you fell down the stairs. That boy who was secretly helping you when the teacher wanted you to recite. That boy who carried you to the clinic when you were unconscious because of the volleyball incident. That boy who was always there watching you from afar like a guardian angel in disguise. You ignored him many times. You were blind at that time. Reality took your sight away but you could see it now.
"I'm tired, Lukas. I can't handle it anymore."
You were crying. You wanted to breathe. you hated how weak you were at this time but you had finally accepted it. He let you cry on his chest. You were still trapped in his warm embrace while you were sobbing like a child. You were pouring your feelings out. You felt like you were about to drown in this sea of agony again but this time, it felt like someone was trying to save you. It felt like someone was catching you in your fall. It felt like the colors were returning once again in your dull and dead wonderland. You felt safe. You felt renewed. You felt a lot of emotions pouring out including joy. The joy of knowing that someone really cared for you.
Once the tears were all dried up, you looked at the once worried classmate of yours who was now smiling with gentleness and love shown on his face. He let go of you and the two of you sat down on the lively green grass. The wounds were healed, the emptiness was filled with security, and your energy was restored.
"I'm sorry for showing you my weak state," you said to him. He just gently smiled in reply and looked at the bright blue sky.
"You're not weak. You were just standing strong for too long."
Oh how his soothing voice made you feel special!
"Sometimes, you just have to let it fall in order to breathe again."